Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
