We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
