Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
