I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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