Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
