so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
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