So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
