the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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