I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
