I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
