At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
