I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
