So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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