I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
false alarm, still single
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