just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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