you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
