All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
