Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
