Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
