I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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