Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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