I'm lost and stupid without you.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
