Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
And then he peed in my hair
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