im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
