I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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