Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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