John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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