No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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