People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
