Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
