He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
