He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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