If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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