If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
