Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His nipple licking is glorious
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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