you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
