I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
