I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
