I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
