Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
