were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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