hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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