Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
