Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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