ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He did a backflip because drugs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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