i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
