You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
