I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
