Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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