I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I supernannyed him into submission
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
