If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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