i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
